The presidential election is gearing up already, and like always the blackish candidate is starting to look a lot like the executive-type candidate when you examine his policies and actions. Technically, Ron Paul is still out there gnoming it up with half a platform of sensible, realistic ideas and half of plans to eliminate the Department of Education possibly in an effort to stop the Queen from guessing his real name. Every election we are promised change, that something substantial will be different, and every time the reform looks so much like the thing it’s reforming that if you squint hard enough you can almost make out the change fairies with a can of bullshit repainting the same damn thing for the hundredth time. It got me thinking about why substantial change is so hard to come by, why there is such an unbridgeable gap between American ideals and American government. It was like a dream: ephemeral, illusory, transcendent. It began with “if.”

If you believe . . .

. . . a true American does not bow to a king, much less a king of kings . . .

. . . an organization is designated “non-profit” when it meets the standards of a non-profit organization as set forth by law and files the appropriate paperwork, not automatically because it is a religion . . .

. . . the Eighth Amendment banning cruel and unusual punishment from being inflicted would naturally apply to being burned alive in a lake of fire for all eternity . . .

. . . a person has exceptionally poor judgment if they do not recognize as an obvious fraud a cult leader who declares himself a god then tells everyone to sell their property and give him the money . . .

. . . lawmakers are elected by the people and subject to the same laws . . .

. . . questioning the ruling authority is properly called dissent, not heresy or blasphemy, which is protected under the First Amendment and therefore one cannot be punished for it . . .

. . . the majority of Christian churches took the wrong side on women’s rights, civil rights, gay rights, and evolution and so have lost all credibility . . .

. . . an adult who talks to an invisible dead man with magic powers that lives in a kingdom in the sky is partially insane . . .

. . . a person should love their children, their spouse, and their friends, more than Jesus . . .

. . . “acts of god” is as ridiculously inappropriate a phrase as “alien invasion” to put in a legal document . . .

. . . swearing on a bible didn’t help Nixon tell the truth . . .

. . . Muslims have a right under the First Amendment to freely practice their religion and cannot be tortured for refusing to confess Jesus as lord . . .

. . . Gandalf is not your best friend despite reading about him in a book of magic and mythical creatures . . .

. . . freedom of religion does not mean churches can violate the Americans with Disabilities Act by firing a teacher for having narcolepsy . . .

. . . the Earth was formed 4.5 billion years ago from stellar debris . . .

. . . obedience through fear is the coward’s path of least resistance . . .

. . . dying and coming alive again three days later is more like taking a long nap than sacrificing your life . . .

. . . love does not mean agreeing to not hurt someone if they worship you . . .

. . . The Constitution is more important than a 2000 year old collection of fairytales . . .

 

. . . then maybe you don’t want to elect another Christian.