Beware of black seats!

Like the restaurant that keeps its lighting too dim to tell how ugly your food is, the public restroom with black toilet seats is equally malicious and misleading. How do these toilet seats not create wild public outrage? If you’re anything like me, your main concern with public toilets is sanitation. Privacy comes as a close second, but that gives way quickly in an emergency. We all know, especially men, how dirty toilet seats are. Guys already know the seat is dirty; they don’t want to touch it to lift it before the do their business. Speaking of which, I plead to all guys to use a urinal whenever possible and only save the toilets for the solid business. I really don’t need to find a wet toilet seat because of your insecurities peeing next to another guy. If you must use the stall, lift the seat. Your aim is not that good no matter how many times you’ve written your name in the snow!

Unlike choosing a urinal, the main concern in choosing a toilet is cleanliness. I would choose a stall in between two other occupants if  that one is cleaner than the stall by itself in the corner. Frankly, if you’re already in the same bathroom, there’s not far you can go to escape a guy sitting on the porcelain throne. Proximity fears  go out the door with a spreading noxious cloud.

The problem with black toilet seats is that they lull you into a false sense of security. At a glance, it’s difficult to tell if the seat is actually clean. Worse yet, you won’t know until you take a close look, and by then, you’re pretty well settled in. It’s certainly awkward to walk back out of a stall after you’ve already dropped your pants.  Establishments that employ black seats are unfairly representing the cleanliness of their bathrooms. This is why you typically see black seats in places like public schools, where the seats are frequently smeared and custodial staff are underpaid and overworked. If you see a bathroom with black seats, hold it in and find somewhere safer.

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